Horoscope

ARIES: If small things seem torturous, listen to what they're telling you - use those nagging little snags as clues to negotiating what you want. Because this is a new seasonal cycle of juicy opportunities to do what you love best - start afresh.

TAURUS: Creativity's been described as the defeat of habit with originality. Get creative this week by replacing stale old ways of doing things with smarter, more effective methods. Then extending this activity to opinions, attitudes and thought processes...

GEMINI: It's a fact of the universe that during Mercury retrograde what can go wrong will - and plenty more besides. It's nobody's fault, so declare an amnesty on guilt. If you're blamed, respond with: And your point is...?

CANCER: You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track, and the wisdom of experience isn't likely to work for you this week either. You might just have to invent a whole new paradigm.

LEO: Apart from wanting constant assurance of your supersonic fabulosity and biting peoples' heads off when you're having a bad hair day, what spring cleaning do your Majesties need? Perhaps a certain unforgiving bitterness regarding a certain matter...

VIRGO: Been secretly fantasising lately about an astrological transplant into a less sensible and more exciting starsign? Why? This week you could be as wild and wilful, sassy and brilliant, fast and smart as anyone - plus twice as organised.

LIBRA: Looks like you're in - as we all are - for endless lectures on etiquette, organisation, punctuality, committment, order versus disorder etc. etc. Just keep doing what you're doing and try not to yawn... oops! Sorry - you're the one giving them...

SCORPIO: It's a well-known astrological fact that Scorpios hate losing anything except their virginity. But spring cleaning involves culling - and getting what you really want usually means letting something you don't want quite as much go.

SAGITTARIUS: Rumours, conspiracy theories, paranormal paranoia - you've got the goss. But consider how this is affecting your audience, Archers. While nonverbal Vipassana meditation's perhaps too big an ask, you could start with - oh, 10 seconds of silence at a time...

CAPRICORN: Like bumper stickers advise, Shit Happens or Magic Happens according to your attitude - merde or miracles courtesy of your personal viewfinder. Even just losing the view that you alone know what's best for everyone will work wonders this week.

AQUARIUS: Earth to Aquarius! Calling all Waterpourers! Have you become cocooned in your own virtual reality over there on the far side of Uranus? Then it's time to log back into spring@earthworld.com – it's really quite a delightful site.

PISCES: This week everyone has opinions about politics, religion, sex, death and correct food combining which they'll feel impelled to tell you. Listen and get depressed, or ignore it all and dive into something life-affirming instead.