Square Eyes

Television Reviews

Movie of the week, The Postcard Bandit, NBN, Sun, 8.30pm

Brendan Abbott (Seachange’s Tom Long) became a folkloric Aussie bank robber for a decade from the late ‘80s, becoming Australia’s most wanted along the way. It’s a ripping Ned Kelly-esque yarn of a crim on the run, causing havoc, chaos and trauma, yet somehow charming others. And it debunks the myth of the postcards he supposedly sent police to taunt them. He’s perhaps a little to endearing, but it’s a well-told tale.

Spooks, ABC, Fri, 9.30pm

This six-part drama about spunky young MI5 agents tracking down mad bombers could be named The Secret Life of Them. The crack team of counter-terrorism spies chases a pro-lifer suspected of planting the bombs. Silly, but addictively enjoyable.

The Bone Collector, Ten, Sun, 8.30pm

This nasty thriller by Phil Noyce borrows from Hitchcock’s Rear Window, with a touch of Ironside thrown in for good measure, but lacks class or appeal, despite the polished production. Denzel Washington is a wheelchair bound forensic cop on the trail of the murderer, using a hard-bitten street cop (Angelina Jolie - now stop laughing) as his eyes and legs. Sure there’s lots of slashing, but why not toss in a little sexual tension between the cop-buddies. And golly gosh, she becomes a target! Yet when the going gets tough, it all descends into turgid melodrama. Why bother.

What Lies Beneath, Prime, Sun, 8.30pm

Another Hitchcock ripoff, with Michelle Pfeiffer, despite her talent, forced to play a horror flick bimbo in this overwrought rubbish from Robert Zemeckis. There’s a ghost supposedly haunting the house (you’ll never guess when the scary bits are coming...), but hubby Harrison Ford has a skeleton or two in the closet. With a red herring subplot, plodding suspense and laughably implausible ending, it’s worthwhile if only to avoid Bone Collectors violence.

The Spartans, ABC, Sun, 9.30pm

Those were the days! A civilisation founded on discipline, frugality and sacrifice, compulsory homosexuality, equality, no money, weaklings put to death and military might, where the women were given social and sexual freedom. It had to end, as this series, chronicling the rise and fall of Sparta details.

The Inquisition, SBS, Tues, 7.30pm

You know those 16th century blokes nobody expects? The Vatican opened the files a couple of years ago, and this intriguing series tries to build a portrait of the players of the time. Eerily, the Inquisition continues to this day.

Austin Powers: the spy who shagged me, NBN, Weds, 8.30pm

Like the James Bond movies it parodies, Mike Myers turns this silly romp into one long sexual innuendo, which primarily appeals to adolescent boys who find nudge nudge wink wink humour entertaining.

The Devil’s Playground, ABC, Thurs, 11.30pm

Fred Schepisi’s 1976 drama about young blokes torn between the temptations of the flesh and religious discipline in a Catholic seminary where priests aren’t exactly setting the example, shows not a lot has changed over the decades.