Shaggy Dog Comments...

Issue 743

Pollie Waffle

So there we were, the local media, assembled in Alstonville along with the assorted Nats faithful who'd been tipped off, waiting for Larry Anthony and deputy PM John 'Two Minute Tim' Anderson to drop by to announce the Alstonville bypass funding. Eventually Larry showed up driving a station wagon plastered with his green and gold campaign material. He stopped on the pedestrian crossing, blocking the highway, and then proceeded to make an illegal right hand turn into the car park opposite, ignoring the 'No Right Turn' sign right in front of him. One wag suggested to the MP that if he was going to play the 'Tough on crime' card during the campaign, he could start by cleaning up his own backyard.

John Anderson had been busy on Monday morning in Tamworth launching the Nationals' regional transport policy. The media had gathered at the appointed time of 1.30pm, but almost an hour later, we were still waiting. So Shaggy sat down at a nearby café, where one observer commented that if the Community Services Minister had been going to a Centrelink appointment, he would have been breached for not turning up on time. 'Not only would he have not got the job, it means that he would have also lost entitlements,' our obviously experienced commentator said. In the brave new world of mutual obligation, we live the idea of applying the system Larry oversees to the minister himself.

A note to John Howard, who retorted that 'A few hundred is not going to make a difference when you're dealing with 2.5 million…' in response to Pakistan's questioning why Australia won't take refugees. We kinda like Mother Theresa's comment 'Don't tell me it's just a drop in the ocean - the ocean is made up completely of drops.'

We also suggest the PM find time over summer to curl up with a good book. Our reading list would include Thomas Keneally's book Schindler's List, about Oscar Schindler, the businessman who only managed to save only 1,200 Jews among the 6 million exterminated by the Nazis. If someone decides to make a movie about John Howard's life, don't bother ringing Steven Spielberg to direct it.

Just because the federal politicians are clamouring for attention doesn't mean NSW MPs have to miss out on all the fun. Murray-Darling MP Peter Black put out a press release headlined 'Black apologises for statements made in Parliament'. Now as you know, sorry seems to be the hardest word, so we read on: 'Peter Black… apologised for statements he made with regards to Leader of the National Party George Souris… Mr Black said that George Souris should retire as National Party leader and go back to being an accountant. Today Mr Black apologised.'

We thought it was strange, given the hubris of Carr's team, for a Labor MP to say sorry to his political foe. Then came the punchline:

'I apologise unreservedly to the accounting profession for even suggesting that Mr Souris return to the profession. I recognise that the accounting profession have standards… Far be it for me to cast aspersions on the accounting profession.'

That great fiscally-inclined Australian, Emma Chisit, has been busy during the election campaign. Every policy release brings shrill cries of 'Emma chisit gonna cost the budget?' Things got really interesting last week when economic analyst Chris Murphy from Econtech claimed Labor's cost savings on not selling Telstra were wrong. Ignoring the fact that only a few days earlier, Murphy's work also found that the Howard budget was actually in deficit, only propped up by the Treasurer's creative accountancy, the Coalition began to beat Labor over the head with the news. Access Economics had indeed got it wrong in costing the ALP's policy. But after a little more digging, the tables turned again. It emerged that - despite the Coalition's 'not until we fix the problems in the bush' promise (we're not sure if that's a core or non-core promise) - Costello had already pencilled in the first of three sales of Telstra in just two years time. And now it seemed Econtech also got it wrong - Labor would save even more money based on the Treasurer's plan of flogging shares at $5.48 (considerably less than the mum and dad investors paid for T2). Suddenly the ALP had an additional $100 million to play with. The next twist in the drama was the revelation that Beazley was part of a 1995 meeting canvassing the sale of Telstra. Shaggy's calculations figure that meeting was held about the same time as Howard was promising there'd 'never ever' be a GST, which should balance things out nicely. Over the final 9 days of the campaign, we look forward to both parties blaming Afghani boat people for the current sickly state of the Telstra share price.

The lower you end up down the political pecking order, the smaller the spoils to fight over. We assume that's the logic behind this Greens bumper sticker shoving it up the Democrats. You'd think there are bigger fish to fry in the major parties. Obviously not.

When is a queue jumper not a queue jumper? When he's an Iraqi who also happens to be the father of an aspiring Liberal politician. It emerged this week that the office of Immigration Minister Phillip Ruddock intervened to help Samuel Baba, father of Bob Robertson, the Liberal candidate for the state seat of Smithfield, to get a visitor's visa to Australia. Immigration officials in Beirut suspected his intention was to stay in Australia (which turned out to be true) and wanted him to do what everyone else has to and apply to migrate. Ruddock decided otherwise. Now Shaggy thinks it's fantastic that Mr Baba has now joined the Autralian community after being given spouse visa, but we would like to contrast that with the Minister's hardline attitude to Ali-Mehdie Sobie, a genuine refugee and father whose three daughters drowned, along with 350 others, when the a boatload of refugees sank last week. If he wanted to go to his children's funerals in Indonesia, he wouldn't be allowed back into Australia. That's the rules Ruddock said. A change in the rules means refugees can't get their family to Australia through the family reunion program either. That's why women and children who have also been patiently waiting in the mythical 'queue' after being assessed as refugees are now risking their lives on boats. It seems their main crime is they don't know anyone high up in Australian politics.

The Labor Party is trying to get with the times - and prove they have something resembling a sense of humour (we doubt it) - with a website based on Big Brother. On www.politicalbigbrother.com you can vote out members of the Government. Despite his funny ears, Tony Abbot is already gone, along with bum dancer John Anderson. Of the dozen front benchers in the house, including 'Kero' Bishop, 'Smirky' Costello and 'Balaclava' Reith, only Robert Hill, David Kemp and Alex Downer, along with the PM remain, for online voters to evict. The website's 'news' claims that 'Tony Abbott launched an urgent action for 'unfair dismissal' in the Industrial Relations Commission today - only hours after his eviction from the PBB house'. We're waiting for Beazley promise that by 2002, no child in Australia will be without a game show.

A group of Sydney artists going under the moniker 'Boat People Tactical Media Group' have been waging a guerrilla campaign around Sydney to protest against the treatment of asylum seekers. Last week this 11-metre high projection of a First Fleet ship appeared on the sails of the Opera House. It's bobbing up on buildings all around Sydney at the moment.

Boat People Tactical Media Group