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Shaggy Dog Comments...
Our Metaphor of the Week Award goes to Richmond MP Larry Anthony at the Alstonville bypass protest yesterday, who said "This is the major artery between two vital organs - Lismore and Ballina - and that artery is constricting and Alstonville already has traffic angina. If Bob Carr doesn't provide bypass surgery, soon, it will have a heart attack." If the PM needs to replace the health minister, we know who to call.
Gnome gnapper gnabbed: If you live in Goonellabah or South Lismore and lost a garden gnome early in the new year, you might want to give Lismore police a ring. On January 8, the boys and girls in blue stopped a car in Lismore and found it contained a number of garden gnomes, a letterbox and a bird bath (it sounds like the thief was working for one of those reality TV home improvement shows...) Anyway, the police are keen to return the gnomes to their ghomes. Phone the babysitter, Sergeant Cliff McPherson on 6623 1599. (PS. We were going to take a picture of the lads, but Sgt Cliff said no, so the rightful owners can describe their missing loved ones and their distinctive personalities to get a match).
A classic example of what is so morally wrong with the use of the drug detection dogs on the streets occurred recently in the sleepy little town of Mullumbimby. Aside from the fact that 18 coppers spent three days harassing people in the pub at Lennox Head (where they found nothing), plus other drug dens like Ballina, Bangalow and Ocean Shores. That works out at around $28 worth of grass per copper per day, which suggests a massive waste of police resources. But back to what concerns us. In Mullumbimby, 17-year-old Matt Le Beau was sitting on a seat outside a bank (yes they still have one), when Thor the black labrador came over to say hello. To quote from the Byron Shire Echo, which reported this incident, "Matt was unaware that he was the centre of a drug operation until he found himself in the middle of a group of men, not much older than himself, in groovy looking streetwear. After they introduced themselves, he was ordered to take off his jacket and shirt, down to his undies, and then a quick peek at his private parts. They didn't find any drugs so they let him go."
Does a town where undercover police stop and strip you for no real reason, leaving you publicly ashamed and humiliated, remind you of anywhere?
Meantime, Victorians can do their bit to solve this region's drug problem by voting HEMP in the looming Aston by-election. Aging Nimbin hippie Graeme Dunstan has decided to stand for the Hemp Party in the Federal seat. So if he gets elected, he'll have leave the North Coast and relocate to his new electorate. Hopefully, his campaign will be a little more successful than the recent Ryan by-election where the Hemp Party candidate, Nigel Free Marijuana, put the lie to claims that dope makes you chill out, and went the biffo while on the campaign trail.
Past members of the 6th Battalion Royal Australian Regiment, next of kin of deceased members and non infantry attachments are being invited to join the battalion's association. Write to: Secretary 6 RAR Association, PO Box 225, Red Hill, QLD 4059, email Secretary at arthurwill@optushome.com.au or contact for president Tex Howarth is 5529 9931 or at hitex@austarnet.com.au
Speaking of the Army, please allow Shaggy a quick indulgence. Last week, our grandparents, Ian and Elva Boyd, celebrated their 59th wedding anniversary. Oma and Opa, as we know them, met during the war. He was an army gunner, she was a nurse. Dropping in on them recently, it was obvious that they still love each other as much as they did on that June day in 1942. It's an enduring love we admire and find inspiring. Happy anniversary to you both. Here's to 60.
 We've taken up a new hobby during our recent break - the ancient art of bonsai kitten, We discovered this famous, but greatly neglected past-time at the website .www.bonsaikitten.com where they are "dedicated to preserving the long lost art of body modification in housepets". It offers tips and techniques on growing your kitty into the desired shape.
As the above picture from the site explains, an Alessi shoehorn helps you get the kitten into the glass jar for shaping. The proper techniques are explained on the web site, and beginners can buy a complete bonsai kitty kit, which includes glue, tubes, a glass jar and the shoehorn. Readers pass on their successes, but others are less impressed - threatening legal action for cruelty to animals. Sadly, they should also sue god for being born without a sense of humour - the site had this puppy howling with laughter. And kids, don't try this home. We'd like to point out that it's not really true, it's just grown ups being very silly and you mustn't try shoving kittens in a glass jar. Stick to dressing them in doll outfits and wheeling them around the house in the pram.
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