Spring has well and truly sprung and Nature’s exchanged her old leaves for smart new greenery. And now the cosmos is hustling us to streamline our lives by clearing out our inner closets of stale junk, clutter, and habit patterns – to do the ritual revamp in readiness for coming summer…

ARIES: I’m going to be an awfully good sport even when I don’t get my own way. Reasonable. Tolerant. Humble. Smiling and turning the other cheek when people are mean. On second thoughts, maybe next season for the last one.

TAURUS: Taureans can resist anything except temptation. Everything we like’s illegal, immoral, or fattening – but what’s so wrong with fast food, a soothing smoke, or little drinkie? Who says we gotta jog and diet and get thinner and fitter?

GEMINI: Maybe we Gemini’s could try talking just a little less… While ten days of non-speaking Vipassana meditation might be going too far, we could try for – oh, about ten seconds of silence at a time to revitalise our listening skills.

CANCER: Once Crab’s get hold of something, we don’t like letting go. Though our relationship with the past could use a bit of a fluff-up – putting some of those dead-end dreams and ghostly fixations to rest wouldn’t hurt, I suppose…

LEO: It is time to give up wanting constant reminding how absolutely fabulous and supersonically good-looking and just generally marvellous I am? Or biting off people’s heads when I’m having a bad hair day? Nah, I don’t think so.

VIRGO: Most people don’t seem to take my vilest crimes and hideous imperfection seriously – they even seem to find them amusing. Could I possibly say Sayonara to some of my inner critics, and do that ACE course on Flaunting Your Flaws.

LIBRA: It takes so much energy constantly changing roles to fit in with everyone. And effort bending over backwards to keep the peace. It’s absolutely exhausting always being nice. Think I’ll give up everything and take a holiday somewhere. Gorgeous!…

SCORPIO: Why bother sorting anything at all right now, when She Who Destroys What’s Past It’s Use-By Date So New Things Can Grow – that tough-loving Kali – is busy with the pruning shears on this week’s world?

SAGITTARIUS: I’m just so over recreational drugs, stressful relationships, unsupportive friends, sweets, meats, yeast, nicotine, and cream in my caffeine. And I’m definitely giving up telling the truth when people ask: Does this make me look fat?

CAPRICORN: Yes, there is one tiny habit I’d probably be much more lovable without: it’s carrying on as if I know what’s best for absolutely everyone – even though I do. I could think about giving that up. Then again…

AQUARIUS: Creativity’s been described as the defeat of habit with originality, and I’m all for that – for spring cleaning out the cobwebs and replacing stale ways of doing things with a fresh space ready to receive heaps of new inspiration.

PISCES: Could it possibly be time to think of giving up that habit of slipping away into fantasy refuges (another flagon of Chateau Forgetfulness, a six-pack of videos, whatever…) and riding it out instead when the going gets rough?