Psychologically Speaking

with Stewart Hase

Heroes in our midst

I am always fascinated by the public response when prominent people leave this life. The outpouring of grief is obviously very therapeutic otherwise I guess we wouldn't do it. The event allows people the opportunity to let go of feelings associated with events in their own lives. These can be many and varied but might include a reminder about someone close they have lost in the past. Sometimes we identify with the person in some way and we recognise our own mortality, that life is indeed impermanent. Some people need to just let go of emotions related to miserable things that have happened or are happening to them and the death that has occurred provides an opportunity to do this. The response to the demise of the Pope and Princess Di are obvious examples. Extremely different people but very similar grief responses.

However, it wasn't so much this that grabbed my attention with the Pope's death the other day and indeed, more recently with Sir Joh's passing. Instead I was listening to the way in which we provide public accolades for their achievements, how they instantly become heroes and heroines - just add a drop of media attention and it all happens in front of your eyes. Lavish state funerals are provided or we see them off with a fanfare of some sort. And we have very selective memories about some of these people, but that is another issue.

As it happened, last week I was involved in a meeting with a group of what we interestingly call 'carers'. These are people who look after their disabled children or partners at home. They dedicate their lives to their family member and experience all sorts of losses and hardships. Many of them are past middle age and are not able to enjoy the retirement for which they might have hoped. They receive precious little help from government. Every day is a challenge they meet head on.

It struck me that these 'carers' are the real heroes and heroines. They do not lead pampered lives, nor do they enjoy public acclaim for just doing their jobs like many of the rich and famous. And, as you would all know, there are many people in our community who do heroic things every day. They make the hard decisions and take the rough road because they just have to and they care to. It is only when we know these sorts of people personally do we become touched by what they do and how much they give up.

I was uplifted by the spirit of these people in a way that I am not uplifted by the 'achievements' of the rich and famous. I also grieved a little as I recognised our shared losses. This was a different kind of feeling than I might have experienced with the death of some prominent person. I think the difference was that with the latter I would be pining for my own mortality, a projection. My experience with the 'carers' had nothing to do with mortality at all. There was just no room for that kind of introspection. Instead I was forced to think outside of myself and just be connected to others.

I suspect that 'getting out of our own head' and being forced to move away from your own concerns is a very healthy thing to do. Something that many heroes and heroines in our community probably understand very, very well.