Psychologically Speaking

with Stewart Hase

Soar with the eagles

Recently I was at one of my favourite thinking spots, Iluka Bluff. Thinking has become so important to me these days as life just seems to get faster and threatening to be full enough to burst. It's easy to think of thinking as a luxury rather than a necessity.

Anyhow, I was gazing around not really looking, as you do when you're mind is wandering. Then movement in the corner of my eye brought me out of my thoughts. An eagle was soaring, majestic on the steady ocean breeze. Wonderful to watch as it hovered over the beach and rocks no doubt looking for a meal. I suspect that most people when they see this display start wondering at the majesty and a certain purity of spirit.

Then all of a sudden it dived at a flock of birds sitting, facing the stiff breeze on the rocks below. The unsuspecting victims didn't have any food in front of them. They were just sitting, mostly minding their own business. They scattered in panic as the bird of prey swooped. And why wouldn't they in the face of power and ultimate threat?

It was all a bit of a shock really because it confronted my expectations. The eagle, not spotting any prey, probably hungry must have just got fed up. So it seemed that it just thought it might dive bomb a mob of defenceless birds and frighten them to death. I wondered if it felt better afterwards. Or did it perhaps feel a little bit guilty, strangely unsated.

It got me thinking that people do this too. There are lots of reasons why we lose it. It's been a bad day. Something went wrong. Woke up feeling really fed up. Just feeling bloody minded for no obvious reason at all. So, find someone to take it out on. It's interesting though that we tend to take it out on those closest to us such as our partner or our children. We aren't likely to get angry at our boss or other influential people. Instead we direct our frustrations at someone who we think will not fight back, or put up with our behaviour because they love us. Sad but true. Most people I talk to know what they have done afterwards and feel very guilty and remorseful. But in many cases this does not prevent it happening again. And again. Somehow we think people who love us are prepared to hope that we will change. At sometime in the future they give up waiting and suddenly they are not there. Eventually they give up.

It is useful to find other ways to vent our frustrations or to control our feelings. One approach is Anger Control Training, which is remarkably effective in controlling anger (and anxiety too). If the eagle had learnt to do this it would have: recognised the first signs that it was getting angry - clenched bill, clenched talons, tension; at this point it would have known to say 'stop' to itself and recognise that responding badly to this frustration would only result in a bad outcome; then the eagle would have talked to itself about the need to do something differently this time. Decide to breathe slowly and relax, let it go. Go for a walk or a long run. Learning to breathe slowly and peacefully is an important skill and easy to learn; and finally the eagle could have congratulated itself on managing the situation differently.

So, be an eagle and soar on the wind. But when things get rough don't take it out on others. Stay on the wind, soar even higher until the moment has passed and then gently come back to rest.