Square Eyes

Television Reviews

Movie of the week, The Bridge On The River Kwai, Prime, Xmas Eve, 8.30pm:

Nothing like a good war story to spread peace and goodwill to all... Still, whistling the Colonel Bogey March is a nice change from Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. David Lean's WWII epic about POWs under a stiff-upper-lip commander (Alec Guiness) who tries to prove British superiority by building a perfect bridge for their enemy remains a powerful, gripping and tragic classic.

Nick and Jessica's Family Christmas, Prime, Xmas eve, 7.30pm:

Speaking of overindulgent, this is the traditional stuffed turkey served up as unmitigated tripe. Simpson is as vapid as all those other US starlets in the Paris/Nicole/Britney mould (sic). She has to be the only singer who finds The Little Drummer Boy's "pa rum pa pum pum" a challenging lyric. Stick to the more lifelike Simpsons - Bart and Homer - Christmas special on Ten (7.30pm).

Bush Christmas, ABC, Xmas day, 4pm:

An 1940s Aussie classic starring Chips Rafferty. It's still a rollicking yarn and despite its creaky age, can still charm the kids.

The Panel's Christmas Wrap, Ten, Xmas day, 8.30pm:

The party's over, but if you're going to veg on in front of the box, this live comedy-variety show should make it worthwhile, even if it can be as overindulgent as the day.

Queen's Christmas Message, ABC, Xmas Day, 7.20pm (NBN, 11.15pm):

It's always nice to hear from the old girl as she sums up the year. Thanks M'am. And all the best to your mob too.

Songs that Changed the World, SBS, Xmas day, 7.30pm:

It's startling to think that it's now 20 years since a scruffy Irish rocker, Bob Geldof, wanted to change the world and end global hunger with a pop song. This doco follows them as many return to re-record 'Do they know it's Christmas?' earlier this year, and looks at the enormous impact the song has had, inspiring similar efforts around the world.

Sydney to Hobart, Ten, Boxing day, 1pm:

Hats off to the marvellous John Walker, 82, the race's oldest skipper, who's sailing in his 21st Hobart about his ever-faithful 10m (36ft) yacht Impeccable. Stuff the rich guys and the multi-million dollar penis extensions, Walker is what this blue water classic is all about.

Tom Thumb, SBS, Boxing day, 9.45pm:

This contemporary reworking of a classic fairy tale becomes a horror film unsuited to kids. Catherine Deneuve and Romane Bohringer lead a strong ensemble cast, with Tom and his sibling left to fend for themselves in an enchanted forest. It's a visually impressive drama, which will appeal to Lord of the Rings fans, offering a clever child's view of a frightening world.

Divine Intervention, SBS, Weds, 10pm:

This is a fascinating film about Palestinian life, told in almost-silent vignettes and seemingly designed for arthouse cinema buffs. It's a poignant view of life for people in the occupied territories.

Movie of the week, Baraka, ABC, Thurs, 10.35pm:

There's no dialogue - only a world music soundtrack as director Ron Fricke (cinematographer on the landmark Koyaanisqatsi) delivers a mesmerising smorgasboard of global sights and sounds in a gentle meditation on humanity and its impact on the planet. Over 90 minutes, it spans nature, religion and society, from a Holocaust memorial to the jungles where native people live a simple life and buring Kuwaiti oilfields. The title is a Sufi word meaning essence of life.

NYE fireworks, NBN, New Years Eve, 11.45pm:

Sydney spends enough on crackers to restore local train services, but where's the fun in the latter? Meanwhile, 'Outraged' of Goonellabah writes furious letters to their MP about the disco national Anthem. Another long year looms.

Australia v Pakstan, NBN, Sun, 10am:

Catch the third test from Sydney while you can - it could all be over by the end of the day if the Australians don't bat first.

Compass: Buying Time, ABC, Sun, 10.10pm:

"In my beginning is my end" observed TS Eliot, so the new year is as good a time as any to comtemplate how many more you'll see. This 5-part British series on death follows three people with cancer, in their 20s, 50s and 70s. It's a sobering look at suffering, hope, pondering what lies beyond and facing up to the end. It also looks at the desperate search for cures, the scandalous inequalities in care and the growing number of people dying alone.

Mythbusters, SBS, Mon, 7.30pm:

A science-meets-pop culture series tackles urban myths, ranging from the mobile phone blowing up a service station and can you be vacuum sucked on to an airplane dunny.

Altered Statesmen, ABC, Mon, 8.30pm:

Five extraordinary political biographies explores the psychological secret histories of 20th century world leaders. Many were running the world in a state where you wouldn't let them drive a car. There's JFK's amphetamine habit, Ronald Reagan's shambling senility and Churchill's inhuman alcohol consumption and his "black dog" and Yeltsin's all-too-obvious boozing.

Germaine Greer: the boy, SBS, Tues, 10pm:

The mad old expat argues for the supremacy of youthful vigour in western art. She drools away in academic-speak like a lecherous old granny.

The Corporation, SBS, Weds, 8.30pm:

Move aside church and state, the ultimate arbiter of beliefs and world order is business, as this depressing three-part series reveals. It's amusing that a corporation is legally defined as a person. What sort? Psycopath if you believe the arguments put forward here.

Outback Jack, NBN, Weds, 9.30pm:

Five American women are left competing for their own fair dinkum cobber from Down Under. It's a stupidly amusing reality game show.

Nip/Tuck, NBN, Thurs, 9.30pm:

An bemusing piece of mindless soapie shlock starring Straya's own Julian McMahon has a plastic surgeon who likes his work so much, he beds most of his patients, especially the crazy ones who come back to haunt him. They don't make em this cheesey no more.