Psychologically Speaking

with Stewart Hase

Strength of Character

One of my hobbies is refereeing soccer, although these days I spend more time coaching our up and coming referees. The season is a few weeks old now and, like most Saturdays, I could not help last week but to be amazed at the strength of character shown by these young people who range from 14 to 18 years of age. One female referee who was only 14 and out on the paddock for only her second game (the first was an hour earlier that day) bravely asked an adult coach to take his rightful place in what we call the bench area, rather than coach from the wrong side of the field. She had to put up with an adult coach yelling out and trying to influence her decisions. At one stage he abused her because of some decision he didn't like. He even cheated by calling a ball out of play (to the advantage of his team) when clearly it wasn't. Week after week these young people control 22 players on the field, any number of players on the bench, adult coaches and managers, and excitable parents who don't mind (sometimes) 'having a go' at the referee. Unless you actually go out and referee it is difficult to comprehend the strength of character it takes to make the hard decision, knowing that it will be very unpopular. How difficult it can be to use one's authority wisely and with dignity in the face of often angry people without fighting back. Most of all it struck me as I was watching last week that these young people stand up to be counted every week. As teenagers they draw attention to themselves out there on the field. But having attention focused on themselves is not usually an easy thing for teenagers coming to terms with their changing bodies and minds. It made me realise how brave they are, how accountable and how there is no way of avoiding their awesome responsibility.

It occurred to me that our leaders could learn a lot from these young people. It is trendy these days for spin doctors to help our politicians, sports stars and other notables avoid accepting responsibility for what they do. It is a ubiquitous phenomenon that aids lying and cheating, and ultimately demonstrates a lack of character strength. It is an inability to stand up to real scrutiny and admit being wrong. Part of the spin is to blame someone else, to not be accountable at all.

It seems to me that we are living in the age of narcissism. This largely neurotic behaviour involves (among other things) being preoccupied with being special, one's self-importance, the need for admiration and a feeling of entitlement. Narcisstic people believe they should have it all and that they are above reproach. They blame other people when things go wrong for them. The media is full of it daily. And, of course, it is freely observable in daily life as we all model ourselves on what we are exposed to. You can see it every week on the sidelines of the soccer field and on the field of play, a metaphor for an everyday event.

I remember an elderly soccer referee coach in South Australia once telling me that refereeing is truly character building. Perhaps it should be mandatory for the powerful, rich and famous. Even the everyday person.