Political Corrections

with Mungo MacCallum

Well-Aimed Missile Hits Labor Right in the Wedge

Uncharacter-istically, the Chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Richard Myers, seemed a little bemused during his brief visit to this country last week. Why, he wondered, was there so much chat in Australia about the American missile defence program, known more familiarly as Son of Star Wars?

Back home it was hardly on the agenda, just another of those pie-in-the-sky projects the politicians come up with every election year. As America's most senior soldier, he really wasn't very interested in it.

What Myers really wanted to talk about was, first of all to thank and congratulate all us gallant little Aussies for defending American interests, er... that should be freedom and democracy, and a special tribute to our Prime Minister for being so comfortable to sit on.

And just while he was here he might suggest in the interests of still closer co-operation we could maybe set up some joint training, not by any means an American base, oh, heavens to Betsy no, although it might be convenient to park quite a bit of heavy equipment here just in case Washington had the idea of deploying it in the neighbourhood, but the troops would only be visiting, not stationed permanently in Australia by any means and the whole shebang would be under joint control, which would mean Aussies could visit if they had been checked, fingerprinted and approved by the CIA.

And with a mighty pressing of flesh and the clanking of a chestful of rather dubious medals, the General departed, still shaking his head over his host's strange preoccupation with the distant fantasy of national missile defence. Which only goes to show that he has been sheltered like a little child from the realities of politics, and particularly the more vicious kind of wedge politics, which has become the Howard government's most effective means of survival.

Howard first floated the idea of Australian participation in the US proposals back in December, but no-one was wildly interested. Labor was politely sceptical, but did not (as Howard had hoped and expected) reject it out of hand, which meant that other fallbacks were needed to pursue the government's increasingly vacuous tirade about Labor being soft on border protection and security.

But most were fairly shop soiled and none was as sexy as Star Wars; so the Defence Minister Robert Hill decided to give it another throw for the new year. This time he was almost manic with enthusiasm; Kim "Bomber" Beazley can only have watched in envy as his successor described how the rockets would go whoosh up in the air and then baroom! as they downed enemy missiles and we, yes little old Australia, could be part of this - in, of course, the unlikely assumption that it could be made to work sometime in the unforeseeable future.

In case anyone thought that he was sounding a touch aggro, Hill repeated the mantra that the whole system was, of course, purely defensive - that's why it was called missile defence. Howard emerged from the cricket, or the tennis, or wherever, to add that it was only commonsense - how could anyone possibly be against defending yourself from incoming missiles, whether there were any or not?

And at last he got his bite; Mark Latham declared that Labor was in fact against Son of Star Wars, just as it had been against the original and now defunct Star Wars proposal and would no doubt be against Grandson of Star Wars when a new president dreamt that one up. He gave as fairly cogent reasons that there were better things to spend the money on, especially if we were at all serious about the so-called War on Terrorism; that in any case Peter Costello wasn't even allocating money, clearly regarding it as either non-urgent or unrealistic or both; that the mere declaration of Australia's interest would alarm the neighbours, notably China and Indonesia; and that it could easily start a new arms race as everyone else sought to pre-empt America's attempt at invulnerability.

As for being purely defensive - well, wasn't it a distinguished soldier who said the best form of defence is attack, and possible vice versa? Let's get back to reality.

Which the Libs did, screaming gleefully, "Latham's soft on security." Like, according to the polls, 60 percent of American voters, who don't believe in missile defence either. So far, no one has asked their Australian counterparts.

Call me economically irrational, call me sentimental, call me a sucker for bread and circuses, but I must admit I got a buzz over seeing the first train arrive in Darwin at the weekend.

Hard-headed money-mogul Chris Corrigan is probably right in saying that it will be a long time before the profits amount to a tick's testicles, but the same was true of the Snowy scheme, the Opera House and The Australian newspaper. Apart from the social benefits, some things are just worth doing; and Howard's completion of the north-south rail link is a grand thing to have done.

And if you think that's a white elephant, where does that leave George Bush's Moon-to-Mars project? A distraction, maybe, but one of literally cosmic proportions - and one to lift the spirit.

I still wouldn't vote for Howard or Bush in a pink fit, but it's nice to know that they still have a touch of adventure about them.